I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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