i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
