Swine flu. Run for my life!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
smell my finger.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
