got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
