so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
