he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
