Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
