It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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