There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
