high people should be assigned attendants
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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