Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
