i permit you to call me
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
