I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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