You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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