Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
