Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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