Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize