there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
