Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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