Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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