White coat. Heels.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
