My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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