I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
