Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
