I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
