Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
