true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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