dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
