Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
