2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
