You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
