Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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