$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
