I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
