Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
