she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
