the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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