So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
