If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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