it was like his penis was on wheels.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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