apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
