Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
