were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize