Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
