lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
