I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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