I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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