end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
