Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize