What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize