You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
