3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
