There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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