If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
