ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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