Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
