Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize