Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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