thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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