WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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