I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
