I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
