Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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