Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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