I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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