The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm passing your future prison.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
