talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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