I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
