there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
