i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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