i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
