pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
