Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
