tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
