I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
