I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
