the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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