At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
