I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
