Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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