Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
